Mr. Nice Guy.

Back in high school, every girl seemed to have it bad for Jake, the heart-throb in Sixteen Candles. But re-watching the film as an adult, a couple things jump out at me:

1) Jake's interest in Molly Ringwald's character seems to spike significantly after he intercepts that note that says she wants to "do it" with him. An easy score lined up in the cross-hairs? Why the fuck not?

2) After the mad-ass party at his house, he explains to Farmer Ted that his girlfriend is passed out upstairs and that he could "violate her a hundred different ways if I wanted to." Although I think he meant it in a sweet way.

3) After he packs said passed-out girlfriend into his dad's car, he sends her off with a wink and suggestion of "have fun" to Farmer Ted... which everyone recognizes as secret code for "she's out cold, dude. By all means, touch her boobs!"

Yup, this is the guy you'd want escorting you to cousin Clem's Bar Mitzvah. Fo sho.

Get Out of Jail Free Pass

Couples, seemingly happily ensconced in their smug together lives, still have the need to stray. They are open about it, share it with their respective others, sometimes even laugh (smugly) about it at their Monday Night Trivial Pursuit party. It's the allowable fuck, most often (for the sake of the relationship) the out-of-this-orbit celebrity. "Margie says that I can cheat on her with Angelina Jolie," chuckles Ted with his golf buddies. "I told Jimmy, if Christian Bale ever becomes available, I get to spend the night with him, no questions asked!" giggles Jen to her Mommy & Me group. But, what if it WERE possible? Or what would we think of a couple who, instead of the daydream-like quality of celebs, pick, say, the president of the PTA or your next door neighbor? Why, we'd call them swingers, freaks, perhaps polygamists in training. But still, as long as the choices are safely out of reach, it's "OK".

If It's Monday It Must Be Some Woman Sitting on a Stuffed Rabbit

I know what you're thinking. "Sure, this Monday morning's going great. But if I could somehow see a video of a woman in jeans sitting on a stuffed rabbit, man, that would just push things over the top."

So here ya go:



Myself, I'd love to know what's going on in the minds of the people making this. I mean, is there a subculture of folks out there who actually want to see women sitting on stuffed rabbits? Or is this some sort of coded warning to other plush animals?

Further, I'd love to know how much, if any, cash the people responsible for this clip stand to take in. Because if there's a good chunk of money to be made, I'm gonna throw down the gauntlet and appeal to any women out there reading this: If you've got the ass and the jeans, I can get my hands on plenty of stuffed animals. Let's get paid, ladies. Let's do this.

Either way, it's just good to see that ass is still a critical element of our national economy.