Oh, If They Only Knew

This sixty-something woman in my office, whom I lovingly call "everybody's grandma", brought a stuffed turkey to work the week after Thanksgiving and positioned it within her cubicle. The damn thing makes this crazy-ass cackling noise when you squeeze it, and I find it positively enrapturing. Because, let's face it, I'm pretty easy to please.

The other day, I was walking by her cube and, as always, my hand automatically reached out to tweak the turkey's belly. Grandma heard the cackling and, from the copy machine a few cubes over, noted aloud that, "Ken just can't stop squeezing it. It makes him feel really good to squeeze it."

Yeah, I'd say they know me pretty good at the office.