Car Talk

I haven't had sex in a car in a loooong time. Presumably because I'm an adult and I own a larger piece of real estate, but let's face it, it was never spectacular. (For the purposes of clarity, I'm talking about straight-up intercourse, not oral.)
The conundrum lay in that the flashy sports car was definitely an aphrodisiac (hey, what do you want, I was a teenager, easily impressed) and the more slick, fast, low to the ground and rumbling, the more I crossed my legs in agitation. I'd start reaching over and grasping and rubbing, and he'd reach over and attempt the same, trying desperately to keep the car on the road at 97 mph while checking my oil. Then we'd both be so worked up we would pull behind a gas station, barn or next to a cemetery (btw, I'd like to apologize to the funeral attendees at Mount Auburn Cemetery on April 17, 1996). That's when things would get complicated--I'd climb on top and my foot would be stuck on the gear shift, my cheek/head literally stuck to the tinted top of the windshield, my ass somewhere southeast of the radio dial and the turn indicator knob dangerously competing with his cock for penetration. A few attempts with thrusting and grinding would be met with loud honks, the windshield wiper switch turned on "high" and suddenly a blast from the AM radio preaching salvation/damnation to a predominately Vietnamese audience. I don't think either of us were able to reach any sort of climax; so we'd save up our pent up sexual frustration for another day, when the parents were out of town.
It's unfortunate that a larger car such as an SUV or minivan failed to have the same erotic effect as an Alpha Romeo GTV or BMW 8 series. Generally, those vehicles evoked images of soccer practice or claustrophobic family vacations and I had to get out of them as soon as possible. Think Marty in Back to the Future kissing his mom and you get the idea.
For all the difficulties of auto-erotica, there's something about the anticipation coupled with a high-speed ride that still gives me chills. If the auto industry comes up with an Audi TT or a Z Series that turns into a deluxe king water bed, I'll be first in line.