Next Position Please

Thank god someone had the good sense to start adding detailed definitions of sex acts and positions to Wikipedia. Because now, future generations will understand the subtle differences between a Dirty Sanchez, a Lucky Pierre, and the Squashing of the Deckchair. When I have a chance, I'll get around to adding some of my personal favorites:

The Who's on First
Man strategically positions bedroom TV set so that he can catch last few innings of Sox game while going down on Woman. Man blows cover by screaming, "Fucking umpires!" after a particularly close play. Woman beats man with table leg.

The I Swear I Saw This in a Porno Once
Woman lies on bed, holding American flag in one hand and lit sparklers in the other. Man stands on dresser with erection pointing forward, leather flight goggles and scarf in place. Man assesses trajectory, creeps to edge of dresser. Woman spreads legs wider, looks nervously at sparklers. Man falls to floor, snapping penis in two.

The Was That You or Me?
Man and Woman go at it like tasered marmots. Rhythm of intense fucking is interrupted by bizarre, squeakish, flatulence-like sound. Copulation haults momentarily as both Man and Woman go pefectly still. Man excuses himself and heads to bathroom, where he promptly jumps out window and runs home.

The Hey, Does Your Roommate Want to Join Us?
Woman brings Man home from Cask n' Flagon. Man is escorted to bedroom, but spies hot roommate in thong brushing teeth. Man begins asking Woman if her she'd ask her roommate to join in. Woman eventually caves, conveniently neglecting to inform Man of roomie's crabs.

The Beam Me Out
Girl enters Man's apartment. Girl sees stand-up cardboard Mr. Spock figure. Girl departs.

The Look at Me! Fucking You! From Behind!
Woman gets down on all fours. Man commences "doggy style" screw. Man then catches his reflection in mirror. Man continues to study himself as he fucks Woman, making exagerrated hip thrusts and shouting "Hoo Hah!" with each pump. The next morning, he heads back to his small apartment where he resumes his worthless existence. Later, he is seen dining at Arby's.