There's Always Someone Worse Than You (or, The Sneakiest Possible Way to Feel a Woman's Ass)

Okay. I've been known to pull a few patented "ass man" moves from time to time. Laying my hand palm-up on the passenger side seat before a girl sits down in my car. Shifting my shoulder just a bit too far out into the aisle while on an airplane so as to catch a bit of the cute flight attendant's arse. Hanging out in the gallows of the Boston Public Library, scoping out college chicks bent over stacks of Kierkegaard. Y'know, pretty basic stuff.

But here's a guy who's taking it to a level of which I've never even dreamed--Hiding in a woman's couch and waiting for her to sit down on him:

A 27-year-old Hudson Valley man is accused of cutting hole in a woman's couch and hiding in the carved-out space until she came home.

Police in the city of Newburgh, 55 miles north of New York City, say the 22-year-old woman sat on the couch Wednesday evening and felt a bump in the cushions. She jumped up and David Joe Limones emerged from his hiding place.

Bizarre, yes. But it's nice to see that there are fellow ass fanatics who are working on bigger, better and more ingenious ways to get their feel on.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Jordan's Furniture.