Thar's gold in them thar hills

Hey kids,
why I can't be a Celtics dancer? I say this, of course, because the supabadass Celtics are in the Finals and I would love to be at the games. I'd be fired after the first quarter though because I would be not doing the dance routine and instead going up to the players and saying goofy things like "You guys are AWESOME! YEAH!" and then I'd yell at the other team like "You guys SUCK! YEAH!" and then I'd ask how I can get a popcorn or a beer and I'd shove one of those rich white fat bastards out of the their premier $2,000 seats so I could watch the game.

When are the Pats cheerleader auditions?