Women Do This On Purpose, Right?

So there's this woman. In my office. Probably about 32, 37 years old, something like that. Sits by herself everyday in the cafeteria. Brings nothing but a magazine and a big-ass banana. I'm talking "grown on a planet different and far stranger than ours" big. And every day, while she sits absorbed in her magazine, she wields the banana like a goddam lightsaber, unpeels it with the precision of a London cop unwiring a package from the IRA, and proceeds to spend the next twenty minutes -- yes, twenty minutes -- working it over like a friggin' prop from Deep Throat.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. But, goddam it, in my twisted mind, a woman eating a banana in a public place isn't interested in getting her vitamin C or potassium or whatever the fuck's in bananas that's good for you. She's interested in making guys think about blowjobs. And me and my hard-on can proudly confirm: mission accomplished!