Free Advice Friday: Start Me Up
Dear K&A: How can I help my boyfriend more amorous? Not just sex (although that would be great), just a wee bit more romance would suffice. I have engaged in aggressive sexual behavior such as rubbing my breasts in his face and giving vigorous blow jobs; no arguments but no reciprocation. I am at a loss! I ask him to spoon me when we crawl into bed, freshly showered and shaved, and he sighs like I just asked him to run get watermelon from the store. What is up with this man? Do you have any advice or insight?
Ken Says: Er, not to sound like a total douche, but as a guy, I can say that so long as your doling out the blow jobs and that tits-across-the-face maneuver (which sound pretty freakin’ persuasive to me), you’re not really giving this guy a lot of incentive to start reciprocating. However, if you were to , I don’t know, stop blowing him, well then you may find that he’s suddenly extremely fucking interested in taking care of you as well. If not, then, I hate to say it, but he’s probably just your typical guy, lying next to you while his mind is wrapped around some chick he dated in the seventh grade or that waitress from Caesar’s Palace.
Ariel Says: My response shall be brief: let your fingers be your date, and masturbate. You need to stop looking at your ding-dong door-stop of a boyfriend for gratification and rediscover “The Joy of Sex” -- for one. Surprised? Well, let’s switch sides. If you were a guy who wasn’t getting his sexual needs met, chances are he’d sure as hell be jacking off to make up for lost pussy. Or, he’d be out looking elsewhere, at the very least a gentleman’s club. So that’s another thing--why not grab the girlfriends and hit the Man-tastic strip shows for some innocent fun? See, I’m not saying cheat on him, but there’s no reason why you can’t feel sexy, be turned on and get that amazing blast of serotonin while he sulks about getting watermelon or whatever. It sounds like you’ve done everything possible to let this guy know how you feel, short of becoming his blow-up doll that he shoves under the bed. And honey, I aint a mind reader, so I really can’t give you much insight except that he’s getting SPOILED. Now it’s your time to get yours, girl. Get back that self-confidence and get back on your game, regardless of his attention or inattention. You may find that he’ll start seeing you in a different light – and that you may start seeing him differently, too.
Ken Says: Er, not to sound like a total douche, but as a guy, I can say that so long as your doling out the blow jobs and that tits-across-the-face maneuver (which sound pretty freakin’ persuasive to me), you’re not really giving this guy a lot of incentive to start reciprocating. However, if you were to , I don’t know, stop blowing him, well then you may find that he’s suddenly extremely fucking interested in taking care of you as well. If not, then, I hate to say it, but he’s probably just your typical guy, lying next to you while his mind is wrapped around some chick he dated in the seventh grade or that waitress from Caesar’s Palace.
Ariel Says: My response shall be brief: let your fingers be your date, and masturbate. You need to stop looking at your ding-dong door-stop of a boyfriend for gratification and rediscover “The Joy of Sex” -- for one. Surprised? Well, let’s switch sides. If you were a guy who wasn’t getting his sexual needs met, chances are he’d sure as hell be jacking off to make up for lost pussy. Or, he’d be out looking elsewhere, at the very least a gentleman’s club. So that’s another thing--why not grab the girlfriends and hit the Man-tastic strip shows for some innocent fun? See, I’m not saying cheat on him, but there’s no reason why you can’t feel sexy, be turned on and get that amazing blast of serotonin while he sulks about getting watermelon or whatever. It sounds like you’ve done everything possible to let this guy know how you feel, short of becoming his blow-up doll that he shoves under the bed. And honey, I aint a mind reader, so I really can’t give you much insight except that he’s getting SPOILED. Now it’s your time to get yours, girl. Get back that self-confidence and get back on your game, regardless of his attention or inattention. You may find that he’ll start seeing you in a different light – and that you may start seeing him differently, too.
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