Free Advice Friday: The "Swallowing" Question

Dear K&A: I refuse to "swallow," no matter how much a guy begs me to. Why does this upset guys so much? As I see it, what does it matter so long as he, er, "gets finished"?

Ariel Says: Well, that depends. Do you make a face like you've just eaten a dog’s balls garnished with tsetse flies? Because that can be kind of a downer, and hard not to take personally. There are a few ways you can be discreet in your disposal of the love spunk. The Minneapolis Madam (what, you haven't heard of her?) suggests keeping a towel close by, then when his eyes are suitably rolled to the back of the head with ecastatic abandon, a quick spit and swipe is all it takes. Or a glass of water from which you pretend to drink, but in which you instead perform reverse suction, then say you're going to get a refill and dispose of it promptly. But let's instead focus on the fact that you don't have to swallow or do anything you don't want to, and too bad if they have a problem with that. I would probably be walking with a severe limp and a rare strain of ecoli if I agreed to all the cockamamie ideas my previous paramours came up with. If your guy keeps whining, tell him very sweetly that he has a choice: a blow job with no swallowing, or no blow job at all. Gee, I wonder what he'll choose?

Ken Says: The allure of having a chick “swallow” can be almost certainly traced back to porno flicks. As a young, impressionable guy, you see the likes of Nina Hartley and Jenna Jameson doing it all the time, so, goddam it, you figure, I need a little of that action, too! But, honestly, I put in so many hours just trying to get some chick interested in, to put it technically, the extraction, I can’t conjure enough energy to concern myself with the disposal of it. Whether she wants to swallow it, spit it out, rinse it down the sink with a cup of Listerine or store it in a vat for some twisted science experiment is up to her. All I ask is that she figure something out before moving in to kiss me.