Free Advice Friday: Dating "The Boob Guy"
Hey there. My boyfriend is an exceptionally good guy, but he won't stop fixating on my boobs. He's always pawing at them and trying to grab them and staring at them. I appreciate the attention, but there's obviously more to me. How do I get him to notice the booty or, god forbid, the brains that come with the whole package?
Ariel Says: Sigh...the grass is always greener, isn't it. For some of us who have been equipped with extra-sensitive erogenous zones in the mammary glands, your boyfriend sounds like a little slice of Heaven. But I digress. Your boyfriend is likely well aware of your other assets, but short of a couple of flares, detour signs and a police escort, he's simply going to keep going back to what he likes. You got yourself a boob man, and nothing's going to change that. So! Take that frustrated energy and refocus it on your own predilections: are you an ass girl? Do biceps make you weak in the knees? Objectifying him is probably the best revenge, and is infinitely more entertaining than whining as he does his "transistor radio" impression for the umpteenth time.
Ken Says: I have to agree with Ariel on this one. There are ass men, boob men, leg men, lip men, ankle men (watch out for those twisted fuckers) and abs men. It’s something we’re hard-wired with from birth, and there’s little you can do to change it… or us. As for brains? Hell, I got plenty of time for playing Scrabble or discussing Samuel Beckett when I’m fifty-six and incapable of maintaining wood for more than 36 seconds at a time. For now, hon, I really just wanna take you to dinner, buy you some flowers, and violate your ass in manners that would defy every component of the Geneva Convention.
Ariel Says: Sigh...the grass is always greener, isn't it. For some of us who have been equipped with extra-sensitive erogenous zones in the mammary glands, your boyfriend sounds like a little slice of Heaven. But I digress. Your boyfriend is likely well aware of your other assets, but short of a couple of flares, detour signs and a police escort, he's simply going to keep going back to what he likes. You got yourself a boob man, and nothing's going to change that. So! Take that frustrated energy and refocus it on your own predilections: are you an ass girl? Do biceps make you weak in the knees? Objectifying him is probably the best revenge, and is infinitely more entertaining than whining as he does his "transistor radio" impression for the umpteenth time.
Ken Says: I have to agree with Ariel on this one. There are ass men, boob men, leg men, lip men, ankle men (watch out for those twisted fuckers) and abs men. It’s something we’re hard-wired with from birth, and there’s little you can do to change it… or us. As for brains? Hell, I got plenty of time for playing Scrabble or discussing Samuel Beckett when I’m fifty-six and incapable of maintaining wood for more than 36 seconds at a time. For now, hon, I really just wanna take you to dinner, buy you some flowers, and violate your ass in manners that would defy every component of the Geneva Convention.
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