Free Advice Friday: Lesbian in Training?

Dear K&A: Whenever my girlfriend gets drunk, she's all over her roommate. Her roommate's a girl also, which seems pretty cool, but she's sometimes so busy making out with and feeling up her roomie she almost forgets I'm in the room. I used to think it was for show, but she does it even when it's just the three of us hanging out. Should I be nervous that my girlfriend's gonna switch teams on me?

Ariel Says: You know, The New York Times was talking about your girlfriend just the other day. Well, about her female sexuality, at least. See, what lipstick lesbian flick fans and practically any nightclub-goer these days knows, female sexuality tends to be more fluid. Many things can turn us on, even if we’re only betrothed to the throbbing member. It doesn’t mean we all go and make out with our roommates when we’re bored or when Grey’s Anatomy is a repeat, but it does mean there’s a greater percentage that it’ll happen on our end before it happens on your end. Anyway, this really has nothing to do with the price of rice in China or your question. I think your girlfriend is bisexual. She has double the chances of getting a date on Saturday night than you or I, according to Woody Allen. Pretty cool. But that also means you have twice the competition. Keep your eyes open and if she starts to prefer “staying home and hanging out with the roomie” to your company, I think the writing may be on the wall.

Ken Says: Dude, the only thing you should be concerned about is that she might start feeling up her roomie and you’re not around to see it. Honestly, who the fuck complains that his girlfriend makes out with other nubile young women? I know many guys who would kill to be in your position, and most would be trying to find a way to take it all to the next level, orchestrating some bizarre scenario involving a kiddie pool full of whipped cream, dog leashes, fireworks, leather straps and masks, Crisco oil, cheerleader outfits and a full-on game of “hide the fist.” You should be, too. And if you’re not taking it upon yourself to film it all to share with your buddies later, then you’re not much of a friend at all.