Project Envy

Hey folks,
just wanted to introduce you to my latest girl-crush: The Klum. I wasn't really a big fan of the Germans until she came along, with her damn perky "Auf Veeder-Stain" and sweet, double-sided kisses to the latest reality-show failures who probably haven't bathed in months. I barely pass muster with a large t-shirt and this genetic anomaly is going to have her third child and probably wears that outfit to run errands. What I also find endearing is that no matter how beautiful you are, you're still attracted to the butt-ugly assholes. Did you see the father of her first child? He makes Albert Einstein look like America's Top Model. And he CHEATED on her.


OK, so I've been watching way too much E!. What of it?