Get Right!

The other day, over dozens of beers, a couple buddies and I -- four guys and one female -- were trying to come up with the definitive list of "celebrities we would literally give a good chunk of our lives to bang." After hours of names and countless notes scratched on hundreds of napkins, it came down to J-Lo.

Fuck all your rocket science and Chinese robot technology; Jennifer Lopez is the single most perfect fucking element ever put forth on this Earth. God's honest truth, if The Powers That Be informed me that I could experience fifty seconds in which Ms. Lopez would use my face as her personal Slip N' Slide, but when that fifty seconds was up I would instantly have my testicles ripped to shreds by a couple of crazed snow leopards, I have to say I'd consider it.

Fuck all, I'd do it.