Free Headlight Alignment, And...

This is my biggest fear. Not toilet paper wafting gently in the breeze from my backside after exiting the bathroom. Not my bikini top being swiftly removed by an incoming tidal wave as I take a dip. No, it's when the nipples are not synchronized. One's pointing towards California and the other just east of the Mississippi. One's heading for the south pole while the other one's checking out Santa's Workshop. Yeah, yeah, a padded bra. But these things can be like nails, man, given the right temperature. I presume that fake tits don't have this problem. That the good doctor has used his ruler and variations of the Pythagorean Theorem to determine perfect symmetry between areoli, and they aint movin'. Well, good for you. Anyway, I'll be in the bathroom, frantically pushing, shoving, cajoling and jiggling the girls into their proper places before I exit....with my tail of Charmin wafting gently in the breeze.