Strung out on Dick*

Goddamn if I don't lose a girlfriend to this affliction on a monthly basis. We're hanging out, hitting the dive bars, going shopping, maybe some beach volleyball, and then BAM! She meets a guy, gets laid, and drops off the face of the earth. Calls go directly into voice mail. Plans are cancelled. I start to forget what she looks like. Then, she'll briefly resurface with the case of the "we-wees": "OMG, We have been SOOOO busy! We went to this great sushi place, then We went to bed early because We have to get up early, because We're going to go for a run." (This girl wouldn't run if a pack of rabid dogs were chasing her.)

Usually, these situations have a shelf life of three months. That means that I'll be getting the "I just had a huge fight with" and "He won't call me back" frantic phone calls around Labor Day. But too bad. Maybe by then I'll have my own addiction. You know, of the 8-inch long variety.

*shout out to Jordan for this title!