Star F*cker's Diary, Chapter 27

See, the problem with living out here is that you're surrounded by celebs. A-list, D-list, reality show, 70's sitcom, occasional daytime drama. They're at the gym, the supermarket, buying dental floss at Sav-On, cutting you off on the freeway. Hey, as US Weekly says, "they're just like us!" And they aren't bad looking, either. So why can't I date them? Why can't I be referred to in the tabloids as "and friend"? My girlfriends are all busy showing me their dudes on MySpace, and I'd be all, "yeah, you can see my man at 8:00 PM on Thursdays, 7:00PM Central." I'd get freebies, swag, and no waiting at restaurants. Yeah, sure, there's a few pesky things about their crazy work hours and travel, other women, that teensy drug problem and possible STDs, but it's sooooo worth it!