Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover

Everyone has that one person they've always wanted to bang... but simply cannot. Maybe it's your best friend's wife. Or your sister's boyfriend. Or your boss. Or your Aunt Hetty. Someone you know you could absolutely reach a whole new, unwritted level of Sexual Zen with, yet, because of their ties to another or some other arrangement, you cannot.

For me, it's Lisa. A woman I've known for roughly seven years. We met at work, remained friends after she left the company, and continue to chat at least once a day, be it via phone or e-mail. Her penchant for sex talk and raunchy humor rivals -- and in some areas dwarfs -- my own, she has a sense of humor that seems carbon-copied from mine, and, perhaps most importantly, she is the prowd owner of an ass that I can honestly say I'd give one year of my life to find myself buried under. And she knows this, and she playfully torments me accordingly.

She's also very happily married, and has been as long as I've known her. So while in my mind I've already violated her in ways not mentioned in the Geneva Convention, in real life, it's all hands off and polite hugs and pouring ice water on my balls after some of our conversations.

Everyone's got one. And mine is named Lisa.