Please, This Woman Needs Your Help.

Sally Struthers is too busy saving one-eyed puppies from land mines, so I felt it was my civic duty to deliver the following PSA:

My Fellow Americans,
For too long, women have languished under the increasing burden of a silicone-free chest. Devoid of back pain, drooling attention from men, and free drinks, these poor wretched creatures must endure a "normal" existence, having to actually earn that job promotion, having no one to "accidentally" grope their chest on the subway, or attracting men that want to know them for their minds, not just...*gasp* their BODIES. No more! These wretched souls needn't suffer such indignities any more. With your help, every woman in America can live the life she deserves to have...as a 34C. Or, dare we dream, a 36D?
Please, go here and see how you can help.