The O Face

This is it, folks. The only face that's worth a damn in this crazy, mixed-up world. And what's so brilliant is that the uglier the O-Face is, the more superfantasticglorious it is. When you've truly lost all control, when your motor skills drop dead and your facial muscles go out for cigarettes, and your synapses are engaged in mortal combat, then you have uncovered the secrets of the universe. And Lord, it aint pretty. See, the O-Face should look like you're taking the biggest shit of your life, you're passing kidney stones, you're trying to solve quantum physics whilst each of your toes is being slowly sawn off. Also this is the easiest way to spot a faker. If your partner's O-face is remotely attractive, i.e. they look like they're auditioning for "American Idol" or air-kissing imaginary puppies, then you need to either kick 'em to the curb or brush up on your lovemaking skills.