Wear It Like You Mean It

So over the weekend, the Kennette drops a cool one-hundred-plus on a pair of Seven for all Mankind jeans. Which means her pants are now worth pretty much everything in my closet combined. But cost and trendy label aside, she was quick to point out that the Sevens won't be replacing her "secret weapon" jeans anytime soon. And I know that she's talking about her thirty-buck Levi's, which magically transform her ass into a work of art -- as if Levi Strauss himself sewed the fucking things right around her body.

So this exchange got me wondering about any "secret weapons" in my own closet, and I must say it's looking painfully like the Swiss Airforce. There's this one pair of chinos that looks kinda nice on me. Oh, and there's that Banana Republic "Going Out" shirt -- yes, it's actually called the "Going Out" shirt -- which the Kennette lovingly refers to as my "Going Down" shirt, because she can't keep her paws off me when I'm wearing it. But for the most part, I find nothing to match the nuclear arsenal that is her Levi's. Guys are just so much toast on this battlefield.

So now I pose it to you, folks. Tell me about that one piece of clothing you own that you might consider the ultimate weapon of mass distraction. I'll be here all day, rolling quarters.