Three Things I Did Last Week That Will Surely Hasten My Direct Flight to Hell

1) Waited until everyone left the room after a team meeting, them promptly buried my face in the seat of the chair used by the department's resident hot chick [as detailed in this post].

2) Jerked off while driving down 95 South at 2:00am, endangering every driver, deer and sheep farmer along the way.

3) Attended the wake of a friend's uncle, then spent the next hour thinking about what a spectacular ass the widow had. For an older woman, I mean.

Anyone else?