Drink, Or I'll take oot ma wee knife n' chop oof yer balls.

Ken wanted me to wish you and yours a very Safe and Happy St. Patrick's Day. That crazy Irish lad wanted to do it himself, but tradition and loyalty to his ancestors dictated that he commence drinking at the moment Ireland began its St. Patrick's Day celebrations--approximately 6:01 PM on Thursday, EST.
Me, I will do my best to avoid the amorous overtures of Colin Farrell and other pale men with big drinks and wee dicks. Of course, I may be sending mixed signals with my "KISS ME, I'M IRISH!" babydoll t-shirt, "I got some Irish in me, but I want some more!" blinky button, shamrock hat, green socks, thong with sewn-on Lucky Charms, etc.