Mission Statement of Your Ex

You know how when you guys see us around town with the latest criminal, glue sniffer and/or welfare applicant, you scratch your head and say, "What the fuck is she doing with that low-life scumbag? I'm a perfectly nice guy with a steady job and a few minor parking violations. Why wouldn't she go out with me?" Well, we think the same thing when we see you with Cuntbitch from Hell in the parking lot at Target, beating you with a Swiffer because you didn't pack the shopping bags properly. Or at a party when she's got you cornered just a foot too far from the keg, her piercing voice causing everyone's eardrums to simultaneously bleed, screeching that you never listen, your measly income and pathetic career makes a streetsweeper seem attractive by comparison, and by the way did she mention that her ex had a much bigger cock? Or at THE MALL, for the love of God, carrying her SHOPPING BAGS and agreeing to go to BATH AND BODY WORKS! And while she gets in a huff because you had the audacity to ask how much longer she needs to shop, you stand there, head down, mumbling something that sounds suspiciously like "sorry, baby."
WTF, dude. Does she give earth- shattering, toe-curling head? Fuck like a porn star on speed? I'll let you in on a little secret: you needn't suffer so to get a little slice of heaven. Kick the bitch to the curb and pick me up at 8:00PM.