Sweet Jesus Blues

Tight clothing on men is like trying to dress up your cat as Spongebob Squarepants for Halloween--generally not a good idea. And yeah, unfortunately not all of them got the memo. So we got a few muscle shirts strutting around, showing off their man-tits--sorry, I mean, "pecs". And what's the first word that comes to mind? That's right: Douche Bag.
Then you have the other extreme, guys that are so terrified of showing any possibility of body outline that they dress like a large hamper of dirty clothes.
So what's the happy medium? Easy. A good-fitting pair of well-worn jeans. By "good-fitting", I don't mean snug to the point of sterilization, I also don't mean loose to the point that I wonder if you were born without a backside. Just give me a quick trailer of the main attraction, and make it seem effortless. Make it seem that a happy convergence of the stars and planets caused your ass to look fuckin smoking in blue denim and Gosh Gee Golly Willikers, you just had no idea. And as I reach behind to squeeze those heaven-sent cheeks, of course I'll believe you.