Over 3 Billion Muffburgers Served

One of our lovely, erudite readers yesterday suggested Brad Pitt as a possible stand-in for my nocturnal thrashings. Agreed--he is INSANELY gorgeous. But to me, he is the McDonalds of hot guydom: everywhere, all the time, for years and years and years, 99 cent special value calendars or supersize posters, on every bedroom wall of straight girls and gay boys across the land. You know when you hear a really good song and then goddamn KissFM or whoever has to play the shit out of it for the next three months until you're ready to pull your teeth fillings out with a fork in case it's being transmitted via radio waves to your head causing permanent brain damage? That's kind of how I feel about Brad Pitt. Thanks, but I think I'll hit the Maw n' Paw-Tom Welling-Diner up the street.