I Love Women, Part XXVI

Any heterosexual women out there who would willingly participate in the sort of harmless party game pictured above, please raise your hands.

Okay, now. Any heterosexual men out there who would engage in the same sort of frivolity, but with a guy, please raise your hands.

Just as I suspected.

On another note, last weekend, I attended a party in Providence and found myself, through circumstances far too blurry to transcribe, in the bathroom with two cute girls. I've known these girls for a number of years, and have heard all kinds of stories about how they aren't afraid to work each other over when there are no menfolk around.

So, equipped with two sizable beer balls, I assessed the situation and, during a lull in the conversation, blurted: "Hey, do you guys wanna kiss?"

They giggled a bit the way drunk twentysomething girls do and said, "Kiss you?"

Unable to grasp the mathematical possibilities that moment presented, I quickly responded: "No! Each other!"

So they laughed again. Then stopped. Then they slowly stepped toward each other and, still smiling, softly pressed their mouths together. Then opened their mouths so that I could see their tongues interlocking. Then one traces her hand down the other's back and gently cups her ass. And before my drunken Irish brain can process what's up, two attractive girls are groping each other madly in front of me. And this isn't the sort of barroom frollicking I'm used to seeing -- that closing time shit when the cameras come out and every drunk girl in the place decides to model her thong or stick her tongue in her best friend's ear. This was showtime. And all I can hear in the back of my head is the line my buddy Felton would scream whenever we watched lesbian porn: "Ooooh, they love each other. They LOVE each other!"

This went on for about three minutes or so, until the crowd outside the bathroom door threatened to break it down. So they stopped kissing, justlikethat, and one of them unlocks the door and the two of them sashay right out. Like nothing ever happened.

And I'm left there, bulge in my trousers, goofy grin on my face, spilled beer on my shirt. And reality creeps back in the form of a drunk Asian girl yelling, "Hey, asshole, I gotta take a piss."

Man, I need more parties like that.