Git Along, Lil' Horn Doggie

OK kiddies, you're gonna have to bear with Auntie Ariel for a little while because she's not gettin' any, and it makes her real ornery. So just stuff yer lil' ears with cotton while she starts to yappin'...
Last night I had this dream last night of me and...Bruce Willis? Perhaps it's because Demi & Ashton finally tied the knot and he may be looking for a sympathy fuck. At any rate, he was big and muscley and a wise ass and he kept picking me up and carrying me off to bed. Not a bad way to travel.
But, just like in waking life, my good times gotta get stepped on. For some reason (and perhaps the good readers would like to open their psyche books to page 42 and analyze this) my coitus dreams always get interruptus. Someone walks in, suddenly we're about to fuck in the middle of Mrs. Feldman's 6th grade social studies class, my parents are having breakfast at the bedside table...it goes on and on. So I wake up exceedingly frustrated and sure as hell not ready to face another sexless work day.

Please, help me and Bruce complete our task. I'm begging you.