Drug-Induced Sex life

I just want to say, that if I get arrested for soliciting sex from teens at the local mall, I plan on suing the pharmaceutical companies. Because of their fantastically annoying, endless stream of commercials, I'm now convinced that any guy over 35 is completely incapable of getting, and maintaining, a hard-on. I have this horrible nightmare that Charles, the handsome, debonair, sophisticated older man that won my heart will turn to me on our wedding night and whisper, "Sorry love, I forgot my Cialis. Honeymoon's off." And the thought of being Eli Lilly or Pfizer's bitch for the rest of my life just gives me the heebie-jeebies. Four-hour erection as a possible side-effect? That conjours up images of John Doe's portrayal of Lust in "Se7en."

So c'mon down to the playground and hang out with me, Demi, and Cher. We heard there's a junior varsity boy's basketball game at 4:00PM. Mmmmmm.