My bizarre, most unhealthy fascination with Fred Durst

No, I have no idea from what sick and twisted corner of my pituitary gland this creature hath sprung. But every time I see him (on TV, I mean--despite theories to the contrary and an occasional "Kramer" sighting, celebrities out here are not on every corner peddling their wares.) I stop what I'm doing and stare at the screen, mouth slack, an ever-so quick twitching of my kegel muscles. An involuntary "hhunnhhhhh" escapes my throat. The air suddenly feels thick.

Yes, I know his caliber of eye candy:

Yes, I understand he was heard to moan, more than once, "touch my ass and my balls" on his "Shoulda-Wona-AVN Award" sex tape. But then I see this video--

and I get really hot and bothered, and then look, here he is being daddy (I think that's his kid)

And he was all sensitive and insecure on MTV Diaries and he really admires Rage Against the Machine and I think deep down he's just a sweet, misunderstood kid, don't you?

(WARNING: YOU ARE SEEKING ADVICE FROM PEOPLE WHO JACK OFF TO HISPANIC METEOROLOGISTS AND...FRED DURST. CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK.)