Marco....Polo

Folks, I don't believe our moral majority has been properly informed of the salacious goings-on in most backyards of this great heartland. I'm referring to, of course, the swimming pool.

When summer arrives, these innocent man-made bodies of water become dens of iniquity, filled with bodies of a scantily-clad nature and suspect flotation devices.

People, I've seen it happen with my own eyes: put two healthy, attractive specimens in a pool and they are drawn to each other faster than a fly to shit. Sure, it starts off all innocent: splashing, handstands, who can hold their breath the longest. But I'm telling you, that is foreplay to fornication! Soon somebody is ON TOP OF someone else's shoulders, WRESTLING a similar human pretzel in an orgiastic, frothy frenzy. And they call this game CHICKEN? Folks, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night.

For the love of Jaysus, get out of the pool, put some clothes on and git yer ass to church! Afterwards, why don't we go and play a nice, safe game of Twister?