Boys of Summer Part Deux

I'm getting ancy. I'm supposed to be having heat stroke and being Drunk & Disorderly at 3PM followed by a raging hangover by 7:30 PM, followed by a disco nap and back out at 11PM. But you don't believe in the 9-month work year schedule. (Oh yes, there's always teaching…)
How can you blame me, I asked my fuming boss after returning from a 3-hour lunch at Baja Grill's outdoor patio with buy-one-get-one-free margaritas and my skirt slightly askew from amorous, vertically-challenged Latino busboys. I've been programmed from a very young age to revel in sunshine with as little clothing as possible. Then you gave us recess, our last class ended at 2:30PM, and summer vacation started promptly on June 1st. Then in college you gave us a two-week spring training camp to practice our keg stands and one-night-stands, effectively preparing us for a summer that started after the final on May 3rd with endless beach parties, bbqs and keggers. So how can you expect me to go against my cultural heritage, Mr. Maplethorpe? That's just…un-American!