I'm Your Ice Cream Man

My friend Trish is a good kid, very outgoing, very friendly. When a new girl started at her office last autumn, she went out of her way to make her feel welcome, even though she worked in a different department. The girl was about 25, divorced with a couple kids, and trying to "start over" with a new job in a new city.

Anyway, Trish and the girl became "lunch buddies," commiserating over sandwiches and occasionally dropping out for some after-work brewskis. One day, the girl informed Trish that she had a weekend date lined up, and though she hadn't been out on a date in a number of years, she was looking forward to it.

The following Monday at lunch, Trish asked for details.

"It went pretty well," the girl said. "Except..."

Her voice dipped a bit, so Trish leaned in closer.

"Except... what?"

The girl's voice dropped even lower. "Can I ask you if something sounds... weird?"

"Hell yes."

"We went back to my place after the movie and... he asked if he could eat ice cream off my ass."

Ever the concerned pal, Trish's first response was: "What flavor?"

Long story short, apparently the girl let her date suck a pint of ice cream off her bare ass cheeks, and just wanted some kind of verification that what she'd allowed didn't transgress the unwritten law of first dates. Though taken aback, Trish reassured the girl and then, at the girl's insistence, took a vow of secrecy. And that was the end of "l'affair de vanilla."

At least until Trish got drunk one night after work. And happened to tell one of the interns about it. And her boss. And "maybe one of the custodians," as she recalls it.

Too good a story to keep to one's self? Perhaps. Anyway, all was good until one morning, when the girl showed up at Trish's cubicle, an angry look on her face, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's in her hand.

"This was on my desk when I got in," the girl exclaimed. "Any idea why?"

The story kind of trails off at this point. Suffice to say that going forward, Trish didn't spend a lot of "quality time" with Ice Cream Girl, as she had since been dubbed. The moral? If you let someone eat ice cream off your ass, try to avoid telling your co-workers [unless that's the sort of thing that might get you promoted]. Also: Don't trust Trish.