Just Another Day at the Office

Today, I am tipping my hat to the unsung heroes of the porno industry: The guys who "star" in those fetish films aimed at the I love it when chicks kick my ass and step on my nuts market segment. Films with names like "Tokyo Trample" and "While You Were Smothered."

I've not seen many of these films [you can buy a motherlode of them here], but the thing that always strikes me is... where do they find these guys? Guys who are willing to be tied and gagged, have their heads sat on and stepped on, their guts kicked, and their backs jumped upon. If, like any other profession, there's a caste system among porn stars, I'd have to figure these guys occupy the bottom tier. I mean, Ron Jeremy gets to bang Nina Hartley for hours on end while these guys [whose names are usually something akin to "Bob the Slave" or "Punished Paperboy"] get suffocated and dope slapped?

Okay, yeah, I know... there's a world full of pervs who would probably line up at the chance to do this for no money at all. But don't these guys have any family members or -- god help us -- children who might someday discover this sordid gig? The day some dude hears "Hey, isn't that your dad getting a stiletto up the ass?" at a frat party, it's safe to say he's gonna need to be talked off a bridge at some point in his life.

I could ramble on more, but I'll just sign off with the actual copy from the DVD case of the film "Freaky Facesitting." Copy that someone got paid to create.

Angelica invites a subby-boy named Rich Handsome over to help her re-arrange her living room. What guy in his right mind would refuse to help a gorgeous porn star? But this sadistic madam of mayhem has designs of her own. Deftly tying Rich's wrists to the grillwork of the staircase in her living room, the scene turns nasty. "You kinda got out of breath when you were moving my furniture, weren't you?" she purrrrs. Then she plants her ass right in his face: "You'll be outta breath now!"

Why can't Tom Hanks get scripts like this? Is Julia Stiles even getting a call? Why isn't Meryl Streep's agent on the horn right now, assuring her that she's being "seriously considered" for a part in "Freaky Facesitting 2"?

Oh, female domination and trample films! Your mysteries, so deep! Your wonders, so immense!

And by the way, the new Question of the Week is finally up. And it's all about suspicious minds. We have a backlog of questions which we will be getting to, now that Ariel is back from her "lost summer" with a couple surfer boys.