Fitnury Co.'s Annual Holiday Party!

Friday, December 10, 2004
7PM-11PM
you+one guest are invited
2 free drink tickets per person
SURPRISE GUEST!

6:58PM: The Accounting Dept. perpetuates the social retard stereotype and arrive precisely on time to an empty hotel ballroom. Don from Accounts Payable patiently explains to the waitress serving appetizers his severe allergy to cheese.

7:26PM: The ballroom is now filled with people that work together 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, who suddenly realize they have absolutely nothing to say to each other. Wives and dates, ridiculously overdressed, suddenly realize they are not at their high school prom. The bar suddenly resembles an emergency food drop in Somalia.

8:16PM: Drink tickets exhausted, the warm and fuzzies kick in. John from Sales and Mike from Legal both swear the band's version of "Get Jiggy With It" is the best they've ever heard. Don from Accounts Payable keeps telling Susan from Property Management that "she cleans up good!".

9:10PM: Public intoxication is rampant. Lewd and lascivious behavior is commonplace. Barbara from Human Resources is sucking face with Bob from Inventory. Bob's wife is blowing the barback in the coat check. Leslie and Grace from Front Desk Reception are grinding to "Here comes Santa Claus."

9:30PM: The surprise guest, Mr. Fitnury, CEO, comes in dressed as Santa Claus. He invites the female employees to come up and sit on his lap. Mike from Legal and John from Sales make a running leap and land directly on Mr. Fitnury's scrotum. Tom DeLuca, CFO, tries to save Mr. Fitnury and gets a supreme wedgie instead. Hotel security is called on the scene.

Next year's holiday party: cancelled until further notice.