Old School Sexy

Sure, you can flip on MTV any time of the day and find college chicks in various stages of undress. But how much Road Rules and Real World can you absorb before you actually start becoming less intelligent? These days, I prefer the not-so-subtle sensuality of Match Game reruns.

Forget the fact that the entire concept of the game is built around the inherent appeal of a dirty mind [sample question: Dumb Donald wanted to get lucky on his blind date. So he wore a "blank."] The entire game is an exercise in sexual innuendo. First, dig on host Gene Rayburn's microphone, the longest and most ridiculously phallic ever produced for daytime television. Then, there's the swagger of perma-guest Richard Dawson. You just know he's banging half -- if not all -- of the female contestants. Christ, he's the only one they ever pick during the all-important "Big Money" round [wink, wink]. And Brett Sommers, the veritable template for that sitcom staple: the randy, sexually-charged "older woman." And she spends so much time hanging on Charles Nelson Reilly. Do you think they're... But, they can't be, can they? I mean, he's... isn't he? I mean, he must be, right? All those pipes and ascots?

Alright, my brain hurts already. Maybe it is time to click back to MTV.